What is Salmonella?
If Salmonella was thing, I’d be dead. I have licked the beater, I have been to the bottom of the bowl, I have indulged in every unbaked-baked good that you can possibly imagine, and yet, here I sit. I’ve never had so much as a stomach ache that can be attributed to my love of the uncooked. Salmonella was invented by the first person who, upon finding a finger accidentally stuck into the bowl of raw brownies she was stirring, put batter-y finger to mouth and acheived unaldulterated nirvana. Who would want to share that?! No one. That’s who.
It’s like if you were out on the beach, building a sand castle and, as you were digging the mote, you found buried treasure. You don’t go tell everyone there’s treasure buried on that beach. You come up with the best lie you can think of to keep people away. “Dude! I was digging my mote, and when I put my hand down in the hole, the biggest hermit crab ever latched onto my hand! I had to go to the ER and get stitches and lucky I did! When I got there they did some tests and apparently there is a race of giant, poisonous hermit crabs living beneath the sand! Don’t go back there, man! You could DIE!”
There you have it. The history of the myth known as Salmonella. I can’t say that I blame the genius behind it. If I could’ve come up with a way to keep my little sister from knowing the joys of cookie dough, uncooked pie crust, cake batter, etc., I’m not gonna lie, I would’ve. But it isn’t really fair to keep you all in the dark. So that’s what this is all about. We will be discussing the superiority of all things raw and the perpetuation of the myth that is Salmonella.